She just asked me to bend down... she
had a secret... i bent down... " Daddy, are you
gonna die? "
Am I gonna what?
" Are you gonna die? "
No, why do you think that?
" Because you drink too much wine & wine has
alcohol in it... "
You know what Honey... I'll stop drinking so much... ok?
( and i sat there on my knees
in the middle of their bedroom
in the soft safety of their butterfly night-light
in complete disgust of myself
and i watched her nod her head
unsure of that answer
and i watched her quivering chin almost
let out a cry
and i did tear up
and i thanked her for asking me
and i did kiss them goodnight
and stumble out
and i did drink again for 4 more
days... and then
i quit )
After more than a decade of hard drinking, on & off again,
Through
murderous amounts of whiskey,
beer, wine, vodka... you-name-it, After
bottoms that i thought i had reached on my own
- realizing
now that they were only downward steps - i finally landed,
there
on their floor, after nighttime prayers,
And i found my bottom in the depth
of a very simple, honest question from a 6-yr old child...
This is March 1st, 2010 and
I did not drink today {day 654}
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