heavens in the sky above. mansions on the beach below. both are dwellings that I can't afford. midnight never fails me though. I am housed here. darkness hits from every angle. I'm more blind during the day than I am at night. right now, everything's accentuated.
I walk a little further on this particular night, all the way down to the smallest light on the shoreline. its there that I turn around and slow my way back. by this time the clouds have passed, the stars have come out to play and the moon is perfectly halved by empty space and reflection. I can relate. and I see halves everywhere. all around. the ocean to my right, dry land to my left. the sand is half flattened by the waves, half chopped up by footprints. my thighs, torso, arms and head are clothed. my face, neck, lower legs and feet are exposed. my mood is half happy and hopeful, half sad and worrisome. I'm halfway through this walk, but I'm still walking.
its cold tonight. well, chilly at least. the stars are always cold out there. what a suffering it must be to only be seen after your existence, after you've been completely blown out. when in some future moment a random set of eyes looks your way and finally sees you, but you're really not there at all. you were. there is proof of you... but if someone were to travel the long distance to find you, they would arrive at nothing. wasteland. emptiness. perhaps only feeling your memory's warm glow along the way. (its getting a little colder now.)
transiency is didactic. its exceptional annoyance cannot be avoided. I live in a moment, then the moment is gone. I am a moment, from birth to death, and then my life is gone. I touch myself to remember I am here. there are three moments realized... the touching, the being touched and the actual thought that initiates the action. wanting all three completes this moment. finger to skin. significant or not. somehow I know it matters.
I'm walking under a spotlight now. a week has gone by. another night. the moon is almost full. you can't paint this picture or take this photo. its a turquoise smoke silvery dim that is astonishingly indescribable. I am wide awake. in the present. a simple 64th note in the complex composition of infiniteness. I nod my head to you O heavens, with your holy rooms awaiting the immaculate. I nod my head to you in the mansion, with your glass full of scotch and your wife in bed waiting. our thoughts could not be more dissimilar. I'm so alive in this bleak moment of permanence. this transience. but hey... its still difficult. besides, I'm just walking by.
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