1/30/14

Red Wine




I want to be red wine for you
Nourishing & insatiable...
Beneficial & provocative...
Have me only in moderation

My body swirls & sways for you
Robust & inescapable...
Taste me on your trembling lips
but only in moderation.

photo by vladimirborowicz.deviantart.com/art/shhhhh-113655216

1/29/14

Twine



Your smile

My sun

How beautiful you shine...

As if you were hung upon
Angelic twine
Above my world

My Love

My girl

There has never been light
without you!



Companions


Photo by Kelly Dorsey


Could've been His & Hers, Like
towels hung on the chrome hooks that
matched the chrome handles on
the bathroom sink faucets
in their cottage
on their island
Where they had come to sneak away

Could've belonged to Father & Son
One of them aged, a little slower to
the punch
One of them calling out
  " Dad, are you ready?
    Let's head off the Cay
    the bonefish await us "

Could've been abandoned or
waiting to be rented or
dry docked for the winter...
  I was tired of guessing
So I left my thoughts hanging with
those boats above the water,
Dead props & throttle valves
closed off,
Fuel lines emptied

And made my way further up the
shoreline
Toes curling on the soft sand
hillocks 'neath each step
Skin amused & quite comfortable against
the subtle repetition of
respired air from the Bay

And the sounds of occupied boats
much livelier than those I had
left
off in the distance
began to decay

... the afternoon had settled

I guess it could've been their emptiness that
left me questioning their direction,
  Coming in or going out...
But there is no Being Empty, Just
a changing of what we're filled with
  And it could've been just that
  simple
  And I had missed it
  all along.

- on death & dying

my photo


Death is surely then & there on the final breath, the last exhale blows into the room and slaps the children's faces and jeers a lover's prayers ... good clean Death is best for all

Is death the actual fright we fear
or
is it the process
of dying?

in the bone
in the brain
in the blood
... everywhere

spreading like
mad mountain fire

relentless

the final hour
minute
breath

the soul casually undressed
itself
hung its' soft skin suit
over a chair
And walked into the air
.

( death hurts only those it leaves behind )


1/28/14

Walking away



Bow down to a Rose if you adore it so
and steal your scent
and walk away
For there is more beauty in a thriving weed
than in a Rose's
pulled decay

I acknowledged that truth
and lifted her scent
And she still thrives
in that garden bed.


Oil painting by CraigShillam.com

Often still



Often still at this same time
in this same room
in this same bed, where once
my love for you would smile
beside your sleeping head,
I've looked upon the day-lost lights
and watched as night consumed their glow
And then again where once you were
as close as breath across my chest...

'Tis of sadness and of joy
and of all that lies betwixt;
Now a whimper, now a sigh
  for lost Love's woe & bliss.

I knew you



I know that chest
& that chestnut hair
as if it were my own

And that motionless moan
and that closed-lid stare
flung back into nowhere

And that tight-clasping fist
and that reaching-for-something hand

I know you without breath
& that first gasp of air
that dares to be let go

The inherent way you show
what can only be kept alive
in the private parts of mind;

I know you after the crash
sifting through the ashes
searching for lonely ambers
still reddened from the flame

And the perfect thing you say

And the touch that shows you mean it

You are any flower feeling
the instant bliss of bloom;

I know you
- but now I miss it.

1/27/14

Sabrina


blind as though i said i was
still she stood before my love
as if to freeze the end of time
and trip my heart that beat in rhyme
no word, a speechless form of rage
that came in violence and disengaged
gliding upon the winds she blew
i trailed her path till out of view

she from fields when blossomed full
born of a rose that nature pull
and in the sands of deserts torn
there you stood but not in scorn
miles up some say some said
your scent has fought relentless wind
i must scold my own embrace
though miles apart you still invade

memories speak their welcomed pain
her memory like the seasons change
winter’d skies that dull in grey
the festal snow soon fades away
beneath summers cerulean skies
reflections shimmer dance and die
in spring the colors that nature made
in autumn fall to surfaced graves

Sabrina echoes through all i am
enchanted helpless an embraced demand
of gods unforgiving, they laugh and toil
my heart a seed in fertile soil
Ah! but how she shines again
as every star in heaven send
how sweet the sight of you i seek
and treasure with praise in every dream

Ah! but how your beauty thrives
between sunstreams the oceans collide
with all the blues that still survive
resting immaculately in your eyes
yes, and even Venus bow
in her heavenly grace behind the clouds
she whispers sweet obedient vows
to you, for you are her queen now


1/26/14

i was



i was in a feeling
i was exceeding my beliefs
i was electric all around
i was the wind
i was unfound

and i was looking at you
i was holding something new

i could not say a word
i did not even want to

1/24/14

quivering
shaking

the moment 
of a stare

poetry begins
in and out of nowhere

1/23/14

promises



promises keep
promises to themselves
are weak
stab promises
the belly inflates to accept the wound
puncture promises
miscarriage
the strongest promise aborted itself
now
lies bloodied bones
& soft guts.

1/21/14

(some Valentine’s day years ago on Atlantic beach, 2865 steps south from parking)

black

black

deepest black

soul of midnight

when love lashes out like this
my tongue, sore and slow to move

better to dump my soul in my hand
and give this pen my kingdom
then to sit here singing
to an empty world
or stars that laugh
at dreamers

1/20/14

One Petition



The ocean knows your name my dear
I've been there and I've told it so
From inland miles beneath the stars
and all the midnight summer sounds
surrounding;
Trying to count the waves
that crawl to shore,
One and a million,
I consider each a thought of you
Together ... an endless moment.

These silken stars hold all my hope
I've come to them to tell them so
From inland miles above the sea
and all the midnight summer sounds
surrounding;
I am not alone,
I see the dreams of every dreamer
leaping freely,
Dancing wildly across the heavens,
Will you ever hear me?





once we were
i think i was
i think you were
when we first met

  God of my god!
  O sweet Love of my love!

  if i only had a word
  i would not have enough...

Skyla at the window

    

    You know he's gone now...

she smiled
and looked further out the window

Yeah - i know...

her chin quivered
and a tear swelled

    Skyla, look at me...

she looked
she looked down
she looked back out the window

You know he once beat me for
so long & so hard
that when he tried to stop 
& tell me that he loved me
he couldn't,
he tried but he was so out of breath
that he couldn't

that motherfucker...

i was swollen & bleeding
i was bruised & half-naked
and i could see it in his eyes that
he thought i looked pretty,
i knew that fucking look,
it was maniacal & tender

do people really love?
i mean - he loved me?
... that's love?
is there love in a beating?
is that what they're feeling?

It felt like winter in my head,
cold & numb.
That question stood stranded
somewhere in between us.

(she sang)    Poison petals
                    Shoulder devils
                    Angels from on High

                    Come for me
                    They come for me
                    With which one shall i die?



i want you

i want you a little nervous
a little quirky
a little risky
a little wild

like caffeine
like a sitcom
like skinny-dipping
like fire!


1/19/14

new Juliet (for DeneƩ)


“It is my lady; O! it is my love:
 O! that she knew she were.”  ~William Shakespeare from Romeo and Juliet


fairest sun
who shines as though this summer day
twas just another due to pay
and then shall shine no more
who has before and will again
shine like this - sweet repetition!
how to me this day so unrehearsed
unplumed as if so planned
will not be matched the same
nor nearer the same
as that which is
  tis now! and real!

O! and look
how each living thing that touches me
is filled again with infant breath
as if new life had reared its own
from within
does my own mirth exceed
the very limit from which it formed?
have i received enough of love
in that frail moment
to claim these things?
do good eyes fail?
faze me not! tis not my worry
to know such things
but that i feel so full
of that which fills me now
is all i need... sweet Juliet!
or if i may compare thee to such grace
and with such honor such as
one as sweet as she so fair deserves
then in a name thou art
  new Juliet!
and being so may not give rise
to your still skin
nor might it primp your heart
for its own giving
lest its taking
but by my souls own quest for life
held over fire - i challenge thee
let burn to ash my will to live
may i be wrong
let truth be the dare
  doth not thy heart and love now smile
  as if both kissed and held awhile?
O! tis sad of i to think they don’t
how if thy heart should shatter once
i’d keep it whole
or if thy love did show a silver strand
i’d make it gold
  but there’s the catch!
  a perfect fool!
and such is he who boasts
a noble claim to mend thy heart
or can by dare be sure of his own craft
to richen thy love
tis mine and my own head 
that plays the part
and i am he who laughs at sudden love
for there has never been a breath of life
as rich as mine
so proud to profit 
that i have felt so much
in such an instant

there she sits
and now she stands and wanders around
now sits again
  O speak!
and let me hear that tender voice
glide through the air
tis only mine that imagines it so
no word would be so
beautifully spoken

and now her hand to her head
and cradled
such a dream to be that hand
and more than twice a dream
to cradle!
how blessed night must feel
in her repose
how every arm of darkness
wraps around her
and every breath she breathes
  its own!

O! to be but a blink of darkness
that holds her tight
or more
to be but a wisp of air
within her breath
  O life to life!

how mountain air
can claim no scent
until she’s bloomed

until she’s so
there’ll be no more
to have of this

the black breath
  my own
of silence






Side by side


I want her to wake up
still naked & needed
Her hair a little messy
her eyes a little puffy
her voice a little rough
She'd still be so perfect
she'd still be so cute
as she rolled over towards me
Those adorably-dimpled cheeks
those seductive "good morning" lips
those kill-thrill-hold me eyes

We would say nothing
We would drown in that moment
below a bedroom fan
within the twisted sheets
rolled over to our sides
Against her naked body
Against the warmth of mine
just drowning in that moment
Love by love,
Side by side.



1/18/14

Today



Today I will make you my morning
And my sunrise will be on your smile
And the first winds that blow
Will be from your breath,
The first song I hear - your voice

Today I will see you in a flower
I will smell you as I hold it to my nose
You will be the moment
My eyes fall enraptured
As the kiss of each petal inflates me

Today I will soften your hardships
And decorate your triumphs with joy
Today I will listen when no one else hears you
I will speak when your world is in silence

Today as each moment becomes a new part
Of everything we have struggled to become
Smile & know that I love you
In all ways & forever.

1/17/14

( 4/16/99 7:15 am at some Jacksonville Beach, after leaving, 1st stop )



the 1st sound i heard
when i opened the door
was the dream-rememberance
of seagulls singing

i heard my lover dying
in each of their songs

i looked up at the sky
and had my first cry

  i feel death on this
  day of aliveness

Kissed by the wind




1/16/14

under a shaded tree ( Kimberly Taylor )



under a shaded tree i lie
watching as the summer dived
in through the leaves
and the wasp on my knee
and suddenly i never wanted to die

under a shaded tree i read
the secrets that ran through Yates’ head
The Wind Among The Reeds
and poems of Perfect Beauty
and i too wished my beloved were dead

under a shaded tree i dreamed
of cerulean skies and emerald seas
and she became beauty
and beauty was she
i sighed to kiss you - sweet Kimberly

Within the crumbling



If all good stones were to
  break apart
This, the moon & every star
Know that within the crumbling
  of my heart
You in its' flesh or dust 
  live on.


1/15/14

Afterglow - (photo by Mason Poole)



That same-old soggy
saggy tune
I left your legs
a bit too soon
In the afterglow of a
dim-lit room
... I thought of you

My love's as fragile as any flower
As rich as any cultivated soil
As true as any mathematical theorem
As deep as any soul lies within

But when my loves' love is aggrieved
by a death that certain words may bring
Its' petals fall, its' soils miscarry,
its' theorems prove false and its' soul wears thin.

Love had its' peak
in the wars of togetherness
& dried like desert clay
in the truce
of friendship.

1/14/14

simple is enough



its okay to die
its okay to grow old
i’m not asking for much
and i’m okay to go

whenever death comes
leave me peaceful in a place
with poems on pages
rustling in a breeze

have children and theirs
quiet at my side
knowing what it was like
to love and be loved

i’ll be okay
i’ve never asked for much
i’ve been a simple man here
and simplicity was enough




- the day my youngest daughter found my drinking " bottom " - written march 2010



  She just asked me to bend down... she
had a secret... i bent down... " Daddy, are you
gonna die? "

Am I gonna what?

  " Are you gonna die? "

No, why do you think that?

  " Because you drink too much wine & wine has
alcohol in it... "

You know what Honey... I'll stop drinking so much... ok?

( and i sat there on my knees
  in the middle of their bedroom
  in the soft safety of their butterfly night-light
  in complete disgust of myself
 
  and i watched her nod her head
  unsure of that answer
 
  and i watched her quivering chin almost
  let out a cry

  and i did tear up
  and i thanked her for asking me

  and i did kiss them goodnight
  and stumble out

  and i did drink again for 4 more
  days... and then
  i quit )

After more than a decade of hard drinking, on & off again, Through
murderous amounts of whiskey, beer, wine, vodka... you-name-it, After bottoms that i thought i had reached on my own - realizing
now that they were only downward steps - i finally landed, there
on their floor, after nighttime prayers, And i found my bottom in the depth of a very simple, honest question from a 6-yr old child...

    This is March 1st, 2010 and
    I did not drink today {day 654}


1/13/14

Tumble (a combination of 2 poems from years ago)



A Haaaa!   you've
obsessed me
& so i must drink again
open up to thoughts &
fantasies
Personal into xicat i on

I want to fuck you again

" Again? "

YEeaahhh -     the first time was only a dream




i stumble ss weet
i st  umbl e so
& ffree f rom ev'ry ri verflow
i stumb le wea  k
i stumbl e go
& she f rom ever ytumble g ro w...

So say i drunk
which means i drank
which wallows low
below the heart
that sank
& solidified into stone

one day with you

now
alone
...


1/12/14

Electrical



I feel electric
I am conduction & impulse
I am reaction & overload
I am currently exhausted

You bring me to the shakes
I am nothing that I've known
I am nowhere that I've been
I am different & changing

I feel potential
I am capable & waiting
I am reaching for the threshold
I am Now & Becoming

You bring me to the shakes
I am nothing that I've known
I am nowhere that I've been
I am different & changing.

1/11/14

ROMANCE



The way lights are low...

The way candles dance around the room
with a hundred shadows...

The way wine is sipped...

The way a wine glass is held
as it feeds a new closeness
and sets the mood...

The way music is played...

The way laughter and silence
exchange their vows
and evaporate...

The way whispers hiss...

The way everything changes
the moment a man
and a woman
kiss...


the visiting



Spiritual Occupant -
- Inlaid by the hands
   of some unknown
   Dreamlord -
- The intensity of your visage
   feeds insomnia
   to growling
       grumbling
   braincells of night -
- Perpetual Overkill...

- Either we are bound for intercourse
or i am lost in a dream.


i Alone



i Alone,
soft by the wood's fumed-hush,
down-cuddle in a maze of myself
& feel a sharp sadness crawl into form
& fast-feel the pain that springs into life...
Out from a thousand ol'demons at play
    At Once!
Now shouting the lea into standing
    At Once!
Their applause is a silence i strive to relieve
( if only the wind would help me )

Now cower - Or glance back strong into thought,

These that've made good monsters of us all...

There will be a time for standing,

     My Standing! -  At Once!

Immaculate I


alone.

Poetic



we have dreams & aspirations,
we have hearts that ache
& minds that sing,
we have ears that capture the
soft silent sounds of mist
migrating on a marbled lake...
we have eyes that seize,
we have eyes that lax into
passion,
we have eyes that murder
and create,
we have tongues lounging out on
lips wide & broken
or snaking the tooth-cracks
for a word to say...

we represent the changing,
we are those taking Force!
we assimilate the impossible
and dignify its' form,
we navigate all pathways,
we are immigrants in denial...

we represent the changing

the farming of this mile!


her name is Spring


her name is Spring
and she runs with laughter
like butterflies bouncing
crazy giggles here and there

her name is Spring
and she kisses each flower,
stops to welcome each leaf,
bends to guide the river’s flow

her name is Spring
and she frolics through meadows,
conducts music howled or hushed,
portions sunlight ripe or raw

her name is Spring
and she arrives like a child
with her hands cupped together
saying Look at what I’ve found