10/31/21

state of stasis



she spreads me out thin

and sees everything


delicately

touching.


there is fear in

vulnerability

but I sink into her kiss

and lose everything that

scares me about 

opening up


land, sea and sky...

all of what I am...

  I am hers


equilibrium...

state of stasis...


but deeper

  

  Love is squirming

  and screaming to

  come alive



(Image from mirrorsinner.tumblr.com)



10/30/21

in significance



insignificance is a

tender wound


enter

the loss of god


I was nothing before you

and I will be nothing after


why beat now heart? 

why?

          why?


trample me

sweep me aside,

dust plume in the wind

I travel


I was here before the world

and I will be here after


eradicating the altars

and tending to my wounds



(Image from mirrorsinner.tumblr.com)









10/29/21

fright of the mind



creak of the limb of

the tree in the night,

fright of the mind of

the things out of sight


shape of the beast of

a horrifying creation

lurks in between in the

late hour's imagination


frail cries are stifled as

a trembling body falters,

visions of torture as

states of sanity are altered


taste blood in the mouth

but the blood is not there,

sharp pains in the flesh

but the flesh is unaware


who comes forth? what

dreaded trespasser surprises?

how these eyes deceive me

with trickery and disguises


what's born next to conquer?

what phantom rings the bells?

these echoing chimes haunt

with discordant tones that tell



(Image from 44insecsties.tumblr.com)



10/28/21

full moon



transitory

in nature


pale brute, pull me


the grotto swells

the sea consumes


pale brute, heal me.


manifest

your nature


silvered croon, fill me


seductive force

reflective pulse


silvered croon, free me.



(Image from sweetsurrender68.tumblr.com)









10/24/21

750 ml


warning:

poems in the rearview mirror

are closer than they appear


tailgaters

ghosts behind the wheel

impossible to shake off


accelerate

tires gripping, engine roaring

humming schizophrenic tunes  


end of days

moonlight on the night highway

exhilarating gulps of the moment






barely nude (my photos)



mode

mood

but barely nude


prudish

perhaps

but poorly proficient




attitudes

latitudes

corruption to the core


cautiously

flauntingly

lazily in subtle ways




aye
I and

the inquisitive eye


full focus,

the camera at

self-close exposure




detailed

revealed and

decadent in bliss


realized

fantasized but

undermined resistantly




10/23/21

advert$



all of these eyes upon my head

follow the crazy flitting flies


small-scale mass distribution

garrulous in lunatic behavior


steady stream, bombardment

micro-stab, macro-stab, injected


my eyes burn, all of these eyes

subjected to the fresh green press



(Damien Cadio - Remo on skullofjoy.tumblr.com)




days fall



days and days and days

fall and fall and fall like 

raindrops upon your reflection

on the surface of my longing


where have we come from

where are we going to

where are we at this moment


ripples distort 

and 

pull you apart


our love is the river's current

our love is battered in the rapids

our love is peaceful in the pools

always pulling us forward together


will we always be an anticipation

will we become a weeping memory

will we be allowed and celebrated


days and days 

just 

fall and fall


and I just want

something 

to hold onto


(Image from fravery.tumblr.com)



10/22/21

pretty as she is



in my mind the winter comes

piercing through albino eyes,

blood turning blue into red

  such a season'd evil


pretty as she is the hanging

frost that glamorizes scenery

from east to west, north of here

  but I know her greed


throw the lantern into the snow,

the house is dark upon the hill

where no one ever seems to live

  but her this time of year


devour all in clear and white,

suffocate vibrancy with angelic

grace, bellow loud O life below

  I too shiver with death



(Evil Eye by Vickie666 on deviantart.com)





10/18/21

microburst



exasperated

accumulated

and let go


calm disrupted

by storm and

conclusion


its enough


dropping into

the cycle



(Image from video on twitter, source unknown)




10/17/21

journal-2



I wonder if the smoke alarm up there in the corner actually works. The worrying never stops. We test our own boundaries. I am fragile underneath this thin layer of cold. A fire burns for... well... it always gets through. Alarms go off. Smoke curls.


What's a prayer's answer outside of coincidental luck? What peace lasts beyond a handshake? I've seen the afterchurch hypocrisy. And I doubt. I struggle to forgive. I have moments of jealousy and vindictiveness. I feel rage. 


Loving someone hard and real doesn't mean that they'll love you back. Play the odds. Seek out honesty. It still hurts sometimes. To lose. But the winning comes eventually. Hold the one that reciprocates. Let the rest go. Their wings were already flapping anyway. I have regrets. They hang from my porch like wind chimes. Fucking annoying, their pretty off-beat clanging.


I hear sex in the distance. Its not mine. I'm right here, stuck in these footprints. I've come to accept the sounds of others. Nature varies. I've tried placing soundproof material between my skull and the dura mater. Its not effective. Sounds travel. Thoughts are non-transient. I sit with them. They're quiet in the morning. We sip coffee together and slowly adjust to the day. By night we're at each other's throat. I stay away from mirrors. Especially after dark. I can see them then. Sometimes they smile.


The beach is so peaceful at night. Two feet splashing through the shallows. One by one they sink in the sand and lift out. It is my will that they do this. Being naked in the night ocean is both terrifying and freeing. I haven't decided which one of these feelings I enjoy more. I know I'm a little more alive in each. Walking out of the water naked into the night air is similar. I feel more exposed and seen. There is comfort in the total body hug of water. Safety. Protection. The night air offers none of these. 


I followed starlight once. I walked right off of this earth. I can't remember when the walking stopped and flight took over. It was a seamless transition. I left my body. I didn't miss it. (Leave ugly food for ugly creatures.) I felt beautiful for a moment. Beauty was light and airy. No taste. No smell. No sound. I wanted to stay. I almost didn't come back. 



(Image from mirrorsinner.tumblr.com)



10/14/21

Luminal



gorge on phenobarb

open the throat

... swallow


detach, relax

little by little

...  ..  .


when the entire room

is dead black

any incoming light

becomes blinding


corner of fallen bones

corner of splattered blood

corner of desperate voices

corner of piss and shit


in the middle of the room

the rest of I

disappears, torn apart by

tiny black holes

of thought and reason


chaos


reduced to

a simple handful


(Image from shutterstock)







10/11/21

the well



to the well, so long I've never been

to the mystery, the wet hollow


pleasant nature provides a path

the thicket lush in its splendor

leads to, surrounds, beautifies


I float above a perfect geography

amazed at complexities, simplicities

smooth and rough highs and lows


to the terrain, towards the well

I am ready, I am prepared to enter



(Unknown internet source)







10/9/21

in the vase



dawn in resin


a lone body

drowning in the vase

with the flower stems


I've been overborn

and undernourished


a time of need

unheeded


love, she comes

like the midday sun

on the outside

streaming in


rising through the stems,

a body reemerging

a body blooming


toward dusk, unencumbered



("Vase in the sunlight", Francis Sullivan fineartamerica.com)



10/8/21

abrupting intervals



chaos of this fantasy

tease-play, skin to fire

igniting the put out


humid heat of breath

congestion and choke

settling lip to tongue


phallic shadow sliding

towards, into chasing

words coming too late


abrupting intervals pausing

cause for alarming effect

rippling out and returning


what happened to smiling

eyes scattering to run


weeping weeps the weeper,

killing kills the killer;


the entrance

was never opened


now the hands are touching

wanting what wanters want

while wanting



(Image 1: fineartamerica. Image 2: George Platt Lynes)